Onion Volcano

Which is funny because so many times, men claim they cheat on their wives because their wives aren’t perfect, aren’t fulfilling all their needs, and aren’t doing enough to make them feel like big, strong men. It seems like no matter what a woman does, it’s not enough. Men still cheat.

Not to say I think all men cheat. I do think the ones, though, who refuse to take responsibility for their own actions, who blame other people for their transgressions, and who fail to value the people in their lives who love them and care for them are incredibly likely to cheat. They’re also likely to be classic specimens of douchebag, not entirely unlike yourself.

My advice to men who want to blame the women they are with, whether the women are perfect or not, for their own inability to keep it in their pants: grow up. After a while the stunted state of adolescence stops being appealing, and when you’re 80 years old and there’s nobody around to wipe your runny ass because you fucked over all the people who loved you, you’ll have no one to blame but yourselves. Although I’m sure even then you’ll still try to blame it on somebody, because you, of course, being a man and all could never be at fault.

cityofchicago:

This is where you are wrong. WE don’t want a perfect wife. We crave women who have their own lives and lead an independence existence. We do not want women who literally “drop everything” when we come into the picture. And i don’t mean to put you down, but maybe he got ”bored’ with your ”perfect wife’ status and he decided to cheat. Just remember something, WE cheat because you women are doing something wrong.

It was a mistake to be the ”perfect wife”.

anordinarygirl:

I used to think that if I tirelessly endeavored to be the perfect wife, waiting on his hand and foot, never saying “no” to him in any circumstance he’d love me and be faithful to me. Our friends and family marvel again and again at my willing attentiveness to his every whim and need, even they told him what a lucky man he was, and how they hope he appreciates me. His co-workers say they wish their wives did half as much for them, showed them half the love, respect and attention I show him, they’d consider themselves blessed. They jokingly say they’d marry me in a heartbeat.

And still he lied to me, cheated on me, bullshit me. He has the perfect wife, and he still wanted or needed to turn to other women.

I will never fall in love again.

Earlier this week, someone asked me for travel advice in preparation for a 22-hour flight this weekend, which I can only assume will take them someplace fabulous. (I’m jealous.) So the following is my best advice to travelers.

1. Avoid traveling on holidays. ;)
   
2. Actually, traveling on specific holidays like Thanksgiving day and Christmas day, the days themselves, are pretty dead. I flew both those holidays last year and the airports were like post-apocalyptic ghost towns where the only thing you’re likely to run into is a zombie hungry for brains.
   
3. Try to do some research on your airline’s schedule. If your flight is seriously delayed and you have connections, this is important. It’s good to know when the next flight to your destination is departing from your airport. It’s also good to research alternative flights that might be able to get you to your destination more quickly. This is a little involved, but believe me, this information can be invaluable when you attempt to do #4.
4. Sweet talk the gate agents. This is key if you have delayed flights. If your gate has a line, don’t feel shy about going over to another counter for the same airline IF they aren’t busy. If you come ready with information and able to propose alternatives, gate agents are usually impressed. They can help you get on that alternative flight so you don’t end up spending the night in some icky by-the-airport hotel at your own expense. Don’t get upset if they’re rude, though. They can make your life miserable.
5. Disregard #3 and #4 though if you bought your ticket through some budget website. Usually the terms and conditions of the ticket restrict you from taking other flights.
   
6. Come to the airport armed with the patience of a saint, a well-charged MP3 player, and a book. Air travel is rarely timely, and on the weekends or holidays you can almost forget getting anywhere at the time printed on your ticket. Make sure you have plenty of things to do to keep you pre-occupied.
7. Flying is hard on your body. Flying for several hours is REALLY hard on your body. My advice is to keep your 1-quart baggie of toiletries with you at all times. Make sure you have lotion, moist wipes, and a travel toothbrush. There were days that I only survived without wanting to kill myself (and all my passengers) because I had these items. Also drink lots of water and bring aspirin.
8. Don’t depend on the flight attendants to keep you hydrated. Bring your own water. There is no guarantee you will get the required number of beverage services, and I’ve heard these days they’re charging for drinks.
9. Dress in layers. You never know what temperature the plane is going to be, and it can change repeatedly over the course of a flight, as the pilots and senior flight attendants will do battle over the thermostat for the entire flight.
10. Take night flights whenever possible and sleep on the plane. If it’s going to be a long flight, I’m not saying you should medicate yourself, but really…you should medicate yourself. (But don’t take Ambien. I’ve heard so many horror stories from FAs about passengers on that stuff. Over-the-counter car sick medication usually does the trick.) If you’re not willing to go that far, have a drink or bring some nice relaxing music. Whatever you do, don’t stay awake the whole flight. You’ll just drive yourself nuts.
11. Those little neck pillows you can buy in the airport? Those are great. I also have seen people who bring beach balls and inflate those, throw a towel over it, and use them as giant pillows.
    
12. Don’t get yourself so soussed up, though, they don’t let you on your next flight. The only people they are more lax about this with is people in wheelchairs. I had more than one over-medicated passenger in a wheel chair get on a flight while one of the FAs chatted on a cell phone with the passenger’s spouse, child, good friend about what to do with the all-but-comatose passenger on landing. But if there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re going to be grounded and that does not make for happy traveling.
13. Put on your shoes when you go to the lav. No. Seriously. Put them on.
14. Do not eat off the tray tables. If you drop something onto it, consider it lost forever. Those things never get washed. NEVER. Keep that in mind about pretty much everything on the plane except the lavs.
15. Don’t overpack. I can not stress this enough. Try to pare down as much as possible. Even if it means you only bring the barest essentials in terms of make-up, clothes, shoes and accessories. It’s a pain to have to lug that stuff around.
16. Finally, be nice to your flight attendants. Unless the person next to you is spewing bodily fluids or not breathing, don’t hit your call button. Say please and thank you. Remind yourself regularly that they can’t land a plane, and even if they could, they’re as much at the mercy of air traffic control as you are. Try not to complain. Any requests you have to make (can you please move me? the guy next to me has horrible BO!), do so as if you are enlisting them to help you out with a covert mission. They like being your partner in crime and not your servant. Do not ask them to run back and forth on errands for you. They spend half the flight pushing 100+ lb. carts in heels. If you can get up and do it yourself, it’s really the kind thing to do.

My favorite flight attendant blogs:

• Southwest Airline’s blog: probably has some of the best travel advice, plus it’s pretty funny. (Note: I didn’t work for Southwest.)
• Another Passport Stamp: mostly just flight attendant humor, but really really entertaining.
  

I can’t think of anything else. I know this is all pretty generic. In my defense, I’ve only flown once in the last six months, and I’ve flown much more as a professional than I have as a passenger. If you have any specific questions, though, just ask. I hope this was helpful.